iPhones and Duct Tape

I admit, I am giggling just a tiny little bit.

You see, everyone at our house has coveted the iPhone 4 (not to mention numbers 1 through 3) since they were introduced. Here’s a gadget that can take the place of several other do-hickeys that currently get toted around different places. It’s a phone, a mini-computer to deal with your office stuff, and an mp3 player to let me listen to NPR on the radio or whatever book happens to be holding my interest at the time.

That’s three things out of my pocket or backpack. I’m likin’ that already, even before we start talking about the cool applications that are available only on the iPhone.

The problem is, we are with a different cell phone service provider, so the iPhone isn’t an option for us (yet!). They offer Blackberries and Palms and a variety of different telephonish gizmos, but none have the panache and flexibility of the iPhone.

Until this version, none apparently worked as well, either. “Separate but equal” doesn’t work in this arena any better than it did in others.

So when the iPhone 4 came out a few weeks ago, it didn’t change the world here at the house. At most, there was some note of blurbs that perpetuated the rumors that Verizon Wireless will be offering service on the iPhone sometime next year.

But now that the problems are coming out, I have to admit that I giggled just a little bit when they started having problems with dropped calls if you touched a certain part of the case.

One of the big selling points is how small this thing is. The idea that you can’t touch it somewhere or it’ll quit working is kind of ludicrous.

Apple initially attempted to play it off as just a figment of everyone’s imagination. Here’s a news flash – that many people can’t imagine the same problem in the same way unless it’s real. Think about it – 3 people can’t even describe a traffic accident they all see from the same street corner in the same way – 1.7 million people can’t possibly “imagine” that there’s a problem that isn’t really there.

I don’t want to hear that from a computer company any more than I want to hear it from the doctor. Of course the problem is real!

It’s so bad that Consumer Reports has recommended against buying the product and is steering folks back to earlier versions. That’d be like the Pope suggesting that we take in the Latin Mass for a while, just until things get sorted out in the more recent versions.

Several people have come out with fixes for the problem. There’s a rubber case that you can buy from the Apple folks for $29.00 that solves it. It figures that Apple would offer this – they’ve got more overpriced stuff that you can get only from them than Mattel has for Barbie.

Interestingly enough, you can buy the knockoff just outside their store in New York City for about a third the price.

Some other techie figured out if you hold it with an “Ov Glove” (you’ll see them on television again as we get closer to Christmas), the problem goes away. It’s hard to coordinate that with an outfit, but it’s less than half the price.

Being helpful, Consumer Reports has come up with my own favorite fix. It’s one that I’ve used on a number of things for years.

It’s Duct Tape.

Most homeowners know that it and WD-40 will fix anything. If it moves and it shouldn’t, put a little duct tape on it. If it doesn’t move and it should, squirt it with WD-40.

So Consumer Reports has figured out that you just put a little piece of duct tape over one part of the case and the problem goes away.

Yep. You put a piece of silver duct tape (apparently other colors don’t solve the problem) in a certain place on the stylishly designed case of the cell phone you just paid between $200 and $300, not to mention signing your soul away in a two year contract with the worst cell phone carrier in the business, and the problem is resolved.

I’m thinkin’ this is not going to go over well with the general population, especially given duct tape’s tendency to roll up along the edges and put the sticky side out with the slightest amount of friction.

So as I curse my Blackberry and its limitations, I have to giggle a little bit, like the guy who’s un-trendy 10 year old pickup, complete with scratches and dings, keeps getting borrowed by folks with the little sports car who can’t carry anything home from the hardware store because it won’t fit.

Even though I still hope that, while they’re fixing the glitches with the iPhone, someone at Apple and Verizon are talking about how to get together to this vast untapped market of cell phone users who want to move to the dark side and get this device.

Sometimes you want to drive a new sports car, even when there's nothing wrong with your truck.