Heatwave

It’s hot.

That’s not a surprise, since yesterday was the first day of summer, but it’s a bit surprising that it’s gotten so hot here so quickly.

When I first moved to North Carolina from Oklahoma, I thought, “these people don’t know nothin’ ‘bout no hot.”

Coming from a place where triple digit temperatures are the norm in July and August, and temps in excess of 110 F are notable but not unusual I was under the impression that a place where 90 degrees was considered miserable was a little slice of heaven.

Little did I know. It’s about like the difference between an oven and a microwave. You’re cooked either way, it’s just that with one you start sweating and do something about it. With the other, you’re just instantly fried and explode on the inside.

In Oklahoma (and those other western states), people recognize the heat and deal with it. In my former life, it was perfectly acceptable to get up at 5:30 in the morning when it was just getting light out, crank up your lawn mower / weed wacker / leaf blower and hit the yard.

Your neighbors were doing the same, because by 10:00 in the morning it was waayyyy too hot to be out there and everyone had gone back into the AC to have something cool to drink and take a nap, emerging again sometime well after dark.

Premium parking spaces weren’t determined by proximity to the building so much as available shade, especially if you were going to be parked for several hours and have to come out to a hot car.

Most people have sunshades up in their windshields, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Anyone who’s ever been branded by a seatbelt buckle or inadvertently cauterized the hair on the back of their legs by sliding across a black leather seat understands this. It’s not an experience you choose to undergo again.

In North Carolina (and most of the southeastern coastal states) the thermometer stays deceptively low, rarely creeping into the mid-90’s. Break a hundred and the local news programs will talk about nothing else for days.

Otherwise, it's like they simply deny the heat exists.

The problem is that the air is too thick to breathe. When that 90 degrees is combined with 89% humidity, it’s almost like breathing underwater. Those of us born without gills have problems adapting, especially if we’re foolish enough to think that outside labor is not going to be a problem.

In weather like that, watering the plants on the patio is a big deal.

Of course, all the water goes right through you, coming out every available pore so that you go through more than a couple of sets of clean undies during a typical day, not to mention the fact that a starched shirt wilts within seconds.

When it’s that hot out, there’s just not enough air conditioning to keep the house cool. It can take the edge off, but you’re still going to stick to things. It makes even your brain go dead and nothing gets done very quickly or very well.

So I’ve suffered from a summer malaise lately. That’s as good a thing as any to blame it on, anyhow. The heat came early, has stayed on and there’s no end in sight.

It’s arrived early, given that summer just “officially” started yesterday, but we’ve now had ten consecutive days of temps over ninety with humidity close behind.

The good thing is that it’s not permanent, but seasonal, and it’ll go away soon. In the meantime, all we can do is drink lots of cool things, stay inside and try not to move around a lot.