On Crime and Punishment.

You never know what it feels like until you’re in that person’s shoes.

I mean, it’s easy to sit back and watch some parent on television, broken hearted and insisting that their child is really a good kid, despite whatever heinous crime they’ve committed.

It’s easy to look down your nose and say, “You’re the only one that thinks that; the rest of us think he ought to be locked up for a long time,” regardless of whether the story is about an actual conviction or a mere arrest.

Then it happens to you, and you realize that sometimes there are blinders as to the reality.

Circumstances that might excuse some actions.

This is the position I found myself in a few days ago.

No, it’s not the kids. Their felonious tendencies seem to be in check for right now, especially with school starting in just a few days. All have at least temporary driver's licenses and are somewhat mobile.  Between jobs, football practice and the pool there’s little time to get into too much trouble even if they were so inclined.

No, our little criminal is much closer to home, and without shame.

I was sitting in the office and thought he was napping elsewhere.

Parental mistake #1 -- if you can't hear them, they are up to something.  I knew this and should have been more alert.

Eventually I realized I wasn’t alone in the room and turned around to see the newest addition to our family sitting across the room with evidence everywhere.

It was a crime scene that didn’t need detectives to interpret. Bits of evidence were plastered all over him and he couldn’t get them off.

It seems that the tags under the furniture – those that clearly state ‘DO NOT REMOVE UNDER PENALTY OF LAW’ proved too much of a temptation. Someone had snuck under there and ripped them loose.

There are always factors that trip up the criminals, though, if you know where to look. In this case the tags weren’t attached with staples, but were stick-on labels that apparently adhere to dog fur about as well as they do to upholstery.

As a result, determining guilt or innocence wasn't all that difficult.

Yoko (his name has finally been resolved, although he still gets called “Spud” on occasion) had bits of sticky tag all over him and couldn’t get them off.

He wasn’t all that enthused about me helping, either since he had pieces of label stuck to lots of sensitive places, but we got through it.

Like any good parent, I covered the crime. After all, this was a relatively minor event, a first offense.  Even in dog years he's still a juvenile and the record would be sealed.  If authorities found out, he’d likely get deferred prosecution or maybe a bit of unsupervised probation.

When we enable, though, it just makes things worse. He’s now addicted to both types of tags and frequently sneaks off to see if he can find another. It’s no longer a puppyhood prank, but is now a full-blown crime spree and I continue to be sucked into more and more involvement.

I’m losing patience and we may have talked about scheduling an intervention if things don’t improve soon. Somewhere he’s found stuffing that can be removed and brought along with the tag.  I don't want someone to try to relax into a chair and fall through to the springs or the floor.

Whoda thunk of "PENALTY OF LAW" labels as a gateway drug??

In the meantime, my “self-help intervention” takes the form of a long wooden spoon, retired from kitchen duty but sufficient to extend my reach under larger pieces of furniture.

He doesn’t like it, and immediately drops his ears when I wave it his direction, so there’s hope that we’ll curb the inappropriate behavior.

And now I understand more about the parents who maintain that their child isn’t really a bad kid, despite evidence to the contrary.

Sometimes, we have blinders on to even the most obvious of circumstances.