The Reading Library

There was a trend a few years ago to post pages out of the newspaper in frames over the urinals in the men’s room of some restaurants and bars. I guess the theory was that since you were going to be standing there looking straight ahead and not talking to anyone you may as well get some of your reading out of the way.

So I was a little surprised yesterday in a local restaurant – a nice, upscale place – when I went in and there was a bookshelf immediately over the urinal. This was awkward because on the upper shelf was a plant that wanted to reach out and grab you like something from "Little Shop of Horrors", meaning you had to either stand further back than was socially comfortable (or hygienic) or kind of arch yourself backwards so you could aim and hope for the best.

While trying to contort myself to do my business, though, I then saw that the lower shelf had reading material on it.

Not a brochure or flyer about an upcoming event or specials in the restaurant, but books.

And these weren’t those old leatherbound things that decorators are so fond of buying from lawfirms and placing around so that they look smart. These were just used paperbacks like you’d get from a “Friends of the Library” sale for a quarter.

They obviously weren’t reading material to use in the adjacent stall because of their location. Reaching for them if someone were using the urinal would simply have been too invasive in a place where most guys like a little space and most certainly DON'T WANT TO BE TOUCHED BY A STRANGER.

There are times in a man's life when he is especially vulnerable, and anyone with common sense will understand and respect the need for personal space on those occasions. One of them would be most any time that your fly is open.

Similarly, I can’t imagine anyone reading “Photoshop for Dummies” in a restaurant toilet.

Especially a one-holer that’s bound to see some traffic on the average Friday night.

By the same token, most men standing at a urinal are tending to the business at hand, not looking to increase their intellectual knowledge.

Besides, their hands are busy. It’s one thing to read a newspaper posted on the wall and quite another to try and thumb through War and Peace with your business wavin’ in the breeze.

So, despite my love for books, I opted out of using the restroom as a reading library.

There are some things that you only do in the privacy of your own home.