Corporate Holiday Cards

It’s the time of the year when the mailbox brings holiday greetings. Yesterday there were half a dozen or so, which I managed to rescue from the rain that before they looked like Tammy Faye after a three day tent revival.

It was somewhat disappointing to find out that four of them aren’t from friends or relatives – people with whom I’d actually like to connect or reconnect – but are instead merely business contacts that are camouflaged as holiday wishes when, in reality, their purpose is to curry favor of a customer or donor.

Do these holiday greetings make anyone think, “Wow. That was a great card. I need to go buy more stuff from them!”

Somehow I doubt it.

At our house, most of them go directly into the recycle bin unless they’re really incredible looking. Since a high end corporate card can run upwards of $5.00 each, you don’t see many of those any more. I can’t say that I blame companies for that budget cut, either. But you have to admit it’s a bit pathetic to see a big display of holiday cards set up on someone’s piano and then when you start looking through them you realize that they’re from the gas company.

Does anyone think there’s any sincerity in holiday wishes from the cable company? They sure weren’t showing that jolly spirit when I had to make an appointment for repairs two weeks out and then wait for them to show up sometime between 8:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m., with an adult over 18 home that entire time to receive their representative. Do they think that sending out a card will make up for how they treat people the rest of the year?

After all they are monopolies and I don’t have a choice about doing business with them. It just ticks me off that they’re wasting money on cards and postage when they just asked for a rate hike.

Some cards are actually annoying. I have an “account representative” at the bank that tells me how much money my retirement account is losing in a monthly statement. He not only sends cards during the holidays, but a couple of times a year (usually after a vacation) I get these seemingly random cards, always with pictures of his kids on them. It always takes me a few minutes to realize that these aren’t some long-lost cousin’s children, but are in fact kids I’ve never met before playing at the beach or showing off some fish they’ve caught on a camping trip.

The cards don’t make me want to invest more money with him. They do make me wonder they have to charge me an annual service fee of $15.00 and then spend $5.00 of that sending me a Christmas Card. If I get three cards a year, is that where my service fee is going? Am I funding my own greeting?

Charitable organizations aren’t much better. Some seem to think that you’ll feel obligated to send them money if they send you return address labels, a bookmark or some other little whiz-bang gizmo that you can’t live without. Anyone who’s ever sat on the board of a not-for-profit tends to look at them and go, “Why are you wasting money that way? That trick hasn’t worked since the 50’s.”

Besides, I’ve got more address labels than I can use in 10 lifetimes, even counting the ones that went through the shredder because they have advertising on them for organizations that I would not support. It’s amazing the mailing lists you can get on without even trying.

Another nonprofit I know of sends out cards that are individually signed by the Executive Director. They send out about 15,000 cards a year, and she takes almost a week to sign each and every one and then addresses them by hand.

There’s no note, nothing personal about them. It’s just a corporate card that happens to be hand signed under the organization’s printed name. She thinks it makes them “special and meaningful.” I think it’s a tremendous waste of time for an employee who’s pulling down six figures annually, especially when this same person then has the audacity to call directly several times a year to mention how busy they are and talk about how she doesn’t know where she’ll find the time to get it all done, usually while requesting donations.

The urge to point out that if she’d been a better steward with what she’d already been given in terms of both time and money, she might not need to be back at the trough lookin’ to feed again is pretty strong.

That doesn’t happen, of course. Most of us hold our tongues, though, having been brought up right.

We get the cards, keep the pretty ones on the piano, put the others in the recycle bin and, at least for a moment, our thoughts are directed toward that group either for good or ill. At the same time, we get to enjoy the ritual of opening those from family and friends with whom we haven’t had contact since last year, maybe to be told of a new grandchild or career, and to share the joys (and sorrows) in their lives.

It’s all part of the holiday season.