Couchsurfing

Would you let a stranger crash on your couch for a night or two?

Kinda scary, isn’t it? Despite the myth of “southern hospitality”, most of us would be a bit reluctant to let someone we don’t know into our abode for any extended period of time.

There’s a trend, though, called Couchsurfing – it’s even got a website, www.couchsurfing.com – where people who want to get to know others that might not come from their normal circle of contacts.

The idea is pretty simple. You fill out a profile, upload some pictures, and sign up for the level of interaction you want. You could be looking for or offering a “couch to surf” (i.e. a place to stay), or you could be willing to show someone around where you live or meet them for coffee, dinner or a drink.

Others on the website vouch for members and explain how they know them, what level of interaction they’ve had and for how long. Contact is by email, and other than the general location, your exact address isn’t given out until you’re comfortable with it.

It tends to attract a lot of younger, backpacker-type folks. When you get to be our age, the need for your own space (physically and mentally) and privacy sometimes exceeds the need for cheap lodging. As one friend commented, “The older I get, the more stars I seem to need on my hotel.”

There’s truth to this. Our routines become more stable (rigid?), and it’s just more comfortable for everyone if we can adhere to some of that, even while travelling.

We’ve been members of Couchsurfing for several years. We haven’t ever stayed with anyone, but we’ve met some great people for coffee or drinks when we travel. In European countries, especially, people who are eager to practice their English are often happy to meet and show you interesting things in their community off the beaten path. You truly get a taste for what life is like in another country (or even a part of the United States).

We haven’t ever stayed with someone, but we have hosted several times. Most were just overnight encounters, like the guy on a cross-country bike trip who fought a thunderstorm all the way from Asheville to get here. We ran most everything he had through the clothes dryer, packed it all in ziplock bags so he didn’t run into water problems in the future, and sent him on his way in the morning.

But we followed his trip on his blog after that for weeks, and discovered why he was biking cross-country (to honor his brother and raise awareness about the disease that took his life).

Then there were two ladies from Florida on a furniture junket who’s husbands couldn’t believe they were going to come and stay in the house with a couple of guys they’d never met. They jokingly referred to it as the “Casa de Asesinos” (House of the Assassins), shopped a house full of furniture from local outlets we directed them to and arranged to have it shipped back to Florida.

Other than delightful conversation, the only thing we got out of it was an invitation to come watch one of the Shuttle launches from the VIP stands. Seems that one actually WAS a rocket scientist.

Then we met a someone who’s become a good friend in San Francisco, who spent three days (THREE DAYS!!) showing us around all the neat stuff that’s not in the tour books, directing us to hole in the wall restaurants for incredible meals and generally acting as a great host. We’re just waiting for him to come to North Carolina so we can return the favor.

We can't forget the Unitarian Minister who was ending a year-long sabbatical with a road trip across country to his new parish.  We still meet him for dinner when we go to New York City.

The other good thing about working through a website like this is that you can decline the opportunity to host without any hard feelings. Someone sends a request and it’s inconvenient (or you just have an “ookey” feeling based on their profile) and you just say, “Sorry, not available.” No drama, no angst – and it leaves open the opportunity for maybe next time.

What it shows is that people are willing to be friendly. Lots of people are open to new friendships, and recognize now that they can come from different sources – including the internet.

Couchsurfing’s motto says, “Participate in Creating a Better World, One Couch at a Time.” There’s a lot of truth to that. If you break bread with someone, share conversation and open your home, it’s hard for them to continue to be scary “others.” If we open up a bit, are open to friendships with people who might be outside our normal sphere of acquaintances, we often find that there are friendships available from the most unexpected sources.

That’s got to be better for all of us in the long run. If we see how others truly live, maybe they won’t be quite so scary, and there won’t be as much “us” and “them” between the cultures.